Roles of Friendships

Starting this blog has been quite an interesting journey. I learn something new everyday and I have meet some extremely interesting people, people that I would consider friends. I love reading their blogs and reading ever tweet they post (some of you all talk a lot!). It got me thinking about how the roles of friendship really change through the years and our expectations and needs change right along with it.

As a child friendship was such an easy thing. It seemed wherever you were at the time you left with a handful of new friends. When you started Junior High, High School, and College the list just kept getting larger and larger. But then life happens… you get married, have kids, or move away and the list of friends that are right there seems to get smaller. Now don’t get me wrong the friends you had when you were growing up will always be your friends. You love keeping up on Facebook and calling once in awhile, but the relationships change. For me I moved from Alaska to Alabama so most of my old friends live too far away to see. I sometimes do envy the people who have lived in a city their whole lives and get to remain close to their childhood friends but not everyone can do that, so you start making friends that fit your life.

When you first get married you find other married friends, so you and your significant other can spend every waking second together, until you realize a) wow that is all we have in common with some of these people and b) this may be way too much time with your spouse. Then you have children and your friends become Moms that you meet at your child’s athletic matches or at school but most of these friends change with the weather or whenever you child decides to do something new (which for mine… all the time!) I am still friends with a lot of these moms but life seems to get in the way because we are all now in new situations and it was a lot easier to hang out when we were all forced to sit at the same field or gym for hours while our children practiced. Careers bring new friend your way but these can change as your job or their jobs change.

This brings me to what friendship means to me now. I spent a lot of time making friends to fit the needs of those around me and I am at a place in my life where I need to focus on me and what I need. Maybe it is selfish… but my daughter is 17 and on her last year of high school, she doesn’t care if I am friend with all of her friend’s parents and my husband doesn’t care if my friend has a husband he can hang out with. I am surrounding myself with people that “I” truly enjoy, people that make me laugh and I don’t wonder “now why do I hang out with these people again?”. I am rediscovering who I am as a person and filling it with people that are just awesome and worth spending time with!

Speaking of spending time with new friends… I went to lunch on Tuesday with some awesome ladies that I meet on Twitter and you really need to check them out, read their blogs and follow them on Twitter! Cynthia, Sherri, Rachel and Amber.

Comment

10 Comments

  • Farrah
    August 31, 2012

    That’s awesome that you met some nice peeps! I agree with you- I am a firm believer in that friendships also fit a need and a time and place in your life. Some friendships have died- the need was no longer there, and what’s great has been that new friends show up. We’re more secure with who we are now- we attract like people. Good for you!

    • redhot
      Farrah
      August 31, 2012

      I was just adding your blog to my reader, how funny!! It can be sad to see people go but it just shows how much we grow as a person and how much life really changes around us. Here is to finding new friends and having a great time doing it!

  • Cynthia Miller
    August 31, 2012

    We did have a great time didn’t we? 🙂 It is amazing how we spend so much time going through life adding and subtracting friends due to marriage, divorce, moving, etc…I am still trying to find some of those forever friends. The other day was a great start. Friendships are definitely an important part of life.

    • redhot
      Cynthia Miller
      August 31, 2012

      Yes they are! I had a wonderful time hanging out with you lovely ladies and I look forward to doing it again soon. Thank you for being my gracious host.

  • It's A Dome Life
    August 31, 2012

    I find myself going through a similar transition. In the last few years I stopped working outside the home, had a child and started a blog. My parent friends are too busy. My non parent friends are busy doing non parent things. I find I am making new friends in unconventional places. I am getting to know people with similar interests. I have some freedom right now to just choose people that I enjoy talking to or being around. They might not be in my life forever, but right now is really all that matters anyway.

    I don’t think you are being selfish at all. I think you are realizing your life and you your time are important too. Nothing wrong with that! I wish I lived near you ladies so I could go to lunch too! I’m so jealous.

    • redhot
      It’s A Dome Life
      August 31, 2012

      You would definitely be welcome any time! You are one of the many wonderful women on Twitter I was talking about and I look forward to getting to know you more.

  • Chrissy
    August 31, 2012

    How cool!

    I remember when the internet was just becoming the “thing” and it was taboo to make friends on the web. At 14, I was making friends with other high school kids across the country or around the world–some of whom I’m still Facebook pals with. I think that’s one of the greatest things about the web. It multiplies your community by a whole heck of a lot!

    • redhot
      Chrissy
      August 31, 2012

      I definitely think you are right and I remember telling my daughter to not talk to strangers online and now I go out to lunch with them lol.

  • Carol
    September 28, 2012

    Very well said, especially the last paragraph and how friendships become totally different and wanting to surround yourself with people YOU want to hang out with. Amen! I never had any childhood friends that I remained close with, or high school friends, or any old Navy buddies. I guess I’ve pretty much been a loner all along. I do have friends now though and I get to meet more and more.

    • redhot
      Carol
      September 28, 2012

      I think it just takes know what you need out of a friendship and finding people who are looking for the same things. Life gets so complicated as we get older.

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